Okay, so you sit down at your computer, and you decide that you want to go online and surf around for a bit. No problem. You click your ISP desktop icon and before you know it, you're connected to the internet. No problem. Then you click your desktop browser icon, Microsoft Internet Explorer. So far, so good. IE opens, then almost immediately, you notice a problem. The page is taking forever and a day to load. You think, "it's not a big deal, now I have a few minutes to grab a cup of (insert beverage here)." So you get your choice beverage, sit back down, and the page still hasn't loaded. So, you drink up and figure, "By the time I finish drinking this, the page will load, no biggie." You finish your drink. The page still hasn't loaded, however, there is a lovely little error message in the middle of the screen: "We're sorry, Internet Explorer has encountered a problem and needs to close." You click the "OKAY" button, and think, "Ah, well, it's not a huge issue, I'll just let it close, then open the program again. This will give a few moments to take a leak." You reopen IE and then trot off to the bathroom. When you get back, IE still hasn't loaded the start-up page, and now you're getting frustrated. As soon as you pull out the chair to sit back down, another error message pops up: "We're sorry, Internet Explorer has encountered a problem and needs to close. If there are further complications, try restarting your computer." You click the "OKAY" button, and think, "This is not 'okay', why they don't have a "THIS IS NOT OKAY" button?" Realizing this is the second IE problem, you decide to log off-line and restart your computer, naively thinking that this will solve the problem. Once the computer is restarted, you click your ISP desktop icon and go online. Then, you click the IE icon, and hope it works this time. Finally, the page loads, it takes a good ten minutes, but, hey, no error message. So, you open up your "Favorites" and click one of the links. Problem. Nothing happens. So, you click the link again. Still nothing, and now, your cursor is stuck. When you finally regain control of your cursor, you notice that you have 23 pop-ups splattered across the screen. You vigorously and futilly try closing them, only to have two more pop up to take the place of every one that you close. You log off line and close IE. Then, to your amazement, you still get pop-ups! You're not even online. This is the result of Adware that targets IE users.

Does this senario sound familiar? I thought I might. You want to know why this happens? I can tell you. First and foremost, it's not you. I want to make this very clear: The problem is NOT with you. The problem is Internet Explorer. There's nothing wrong with the program, it's not missing vital components, it doesn't have a virus, it wasn't installed improperly. It is in perfect working order. It's just a crappy program, even on it's best day, IE "has a problem and needs to close." That is just the way it was designed. There a many theories as to why someone would create such a damnable program, but no one knows for certain. My personal favorite came from a online buddy who used to call himself "SongBird". His theory went like this: It is plot by the goverment! They paid Microsoft to create a program that has serious & vital flaws, so as to annoy the living piss outta people whenever they try to use it. They then made it the most accessable browser to get, and the cheapest, cause it's free. They figure we'll all put it on our computers, then try to use it. When it doesn't work right, they think we'll be so distracted by it that we won't notice that they've hacked into our systems so they can track our every movement on and off line.

Now, I realize SongBird is a few cells short of a full brain, but I think he may have the right idea. Think about it. What other feasible reason would someone have for creating such a damned-ass annoying piece of crap? However, hope remains! You will have to use the IE program for only a few hours or so, but log on to one of the many websites that offers free browsers, and download one. I suggest Mozilla or Opera. They work spledidly and almost never "have a problem and need to close". I also suggest downloading a pop-up-stopper/blocker, for good measure.



Here's your new plan for dealing with IE in step by step format:



1. Download new browser.

2. Install new browser.

3. Vow never to use IE ever again, unless you absolutely have to.

4. Make the new browser your default browser.

5. Delete all Adware from your computer.

6. Download a spyware/adware demolisher program.

7. Install new program.

8. Run new program.

9. (Optional) Delete Internet Explorer from your hard drive.

10. Go online.

11. Open your brand-spankin' new browser.

12. Download a pop-up-stopper/blocker.

13. Install pop-up-stopper/blocker.

14. Surf happy.

15. Rejoice. You never knew web pages could load so quickly or incident free!



If you have any Internet Explorer horror stories, I'd like to read & post them. Tell me what happened. Did you fix the problem? If yes, how so? Send me an e-mail and let me know, g00d_feathers@yahoo.com. In the subject heading, please state, "IE Horror Story", so I know what it is & I don't delete it. If you don't mind, also tell me what browser you currently use, I want to put up a tally for all to see.

I realize there are a blessed few out there who actually like using IE, however, I am not one of them. My best friend is, and I tease her about it, especially since she's an internet vetran and knows that there are better browsers out there. I am not demanding that you use any other browser than the one that you are currently using, but I do suggest that you at least, walk on the wild side, try something new. Who knows? You might like it, and you might not, but you will be a better person for having tried. Remember, a long time ago someone once said: "Variety is the spice of life."